On fear...

I know I've mentioned this before, but it keeps coming up and I'm hoping some of you can relate and perhaps share some wisdom.  I've always prided myself on my laid-back nature.  I /thought/ I was a free-spirit who rolled with the punches.  Since getting pregnant and becoming Ruby Kate's mama, however, I've become a constant worrier.  Not just little worries, like, "Oh, poor baby has a cold." But, "Oh, my baby has a cold and she's going to die."  As morbid and silly as that sounds, it's true.  On more than one occasion, I've woken William up crying because I just have this dread in my belly that something terrible is going to happen.  I don't like it.  I don't like being so vulnerable.  On many days, I find myself either in a state of trying to control everything, or (more regularly) in a state of severe anxiety-heart pumping, tears welling, palms sweating anxiety.  I read blogs and see facebook posts about precious, innocent babies suffering with terrible diseases, I know precious people who have lost children or husbands or wives and I know that in one second, one phone call, your life can be shattered.  Sometimes it seems like everywhere I turn, there's another cancer diagnosis, another car accident, another divorce. I know where it stems from.  I don't trust the Lord.  I don't want Him in control.  I must doubt His love, somewhere, deep inside.   And maybe that's because my whole families' life was shattered.  I know it can happen, because I've experienced it.  What is so strange, is that I have also experienced the Lord's incredible peace.  You would think I would be able to rest in that peace.  But my Israelite heart just continues to stray, and doubt, and worry.  Everytime Ruby Kate does something so adorable that I can't help but almost burst with joy, I feel it.  Mixed with the wonder of that precious moment, there's that dread and that ache.  I pray SO hard for the Lord to take it away, to help me live in the moment, and enjoy, and give myself fully, but then I find myself right back where I was before.  I am a little nervous about this post, because it might be a little too much of my heart to share with the world wide web, but I want to live in a more authentic way, and I'm hoping some of you (the four people that might read this) will pray for me.  Pray that the Lord helps me to trust in His sovereignty, and that He'll carry us through anything He has in store.  Pray that I can learn to rest in that, and that my hard heart will be softened to His love.  Pray that He'll show me how to take the focus off of myself, and put it on others.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

6 month update.

Hey y'all!  Our little Ruby Kate is SIX months old.  The fastest, foggiest, scary, most fun, emotional, exciting, hopeful six months of our whole life.
Sleep:
No rhyme or reason to it!  Some weeks she does wonderfully.  Some weeks she is up 1-3 times a night.   Some days she naps well, most days she just cat naps.  Whenever we think we have things figured out, they change again.  I can't relate how she sleeps to anything different we do during the day.  Oh well!
Eating:
She has tried oatmeal and rice cereal, carrots, green beans, bananas, potatoes, squash, rutabaga, banana, and applesauce.  Except for the squash and carrots, she doesn't usually act like she likes solids.  She's so funny, she'll take a bite of anything but make the awfulest faces.  She'd much rather chew on the napkin.  ;)  She still nurses every 3-4 hours during the day.  At the babysitter's on the days I work(Mon-Wed), she only drinks about 8 ounces though.  Not a huge bottle lover.
Tricks:
She has two cutie little teeth that she got around 4 months, but no signs of any others coming in.  They are sharp and she loves to use them.  She chews on everything she can get her hands on.  She's sitting up!  She started sitting up right at 5 months. She goes from sitting to on her belly and is trying so hard to crawl.  Right now, she can only scoot backwards and this causes so much frustration.  She gets on her hands and knees and rocks back and forth.  It's pretty cute!  She grunts and growls all the time.  I told her we needed to work on feminizing her noises.  She sounds like a little bear cub.
Personality:
She's pretty content all the time.  She is very smiley and sweet.  She gives the sweetest hugs and loves to kiss (more like bite) your face.  She is reaaallly hard to get a laugh out of though!  It requires a lot of jumping around and looking like an idiot on mama and daddy's part, or tickling her tummy.  Ginny Grace is the only one who has ever gotten her to really belly laugh.  Sometimes, she'll laugh for a second at a silly voice or face or song, but that's really rare.  She loves being held.  She's usually happy with a toy in someone's lap.  She isn't crazy about being in a room by herself!  Which makes showering difficult for mama.  She just discovered the Johnny JumpUp, and that is her favorite activity!  She is starting to know when she's with William or me, and wants to be held by us when we're around.  Up until the last few weeks, she's always been fine with anyone holding her.

October 22 -- right before induction

Only a couple hours old. 

I think she is one month here -- we forgot the little sticker for this one! 

She wasn't very happy for her 4 month picture - not many good ones to choose! 

Melt my heart.

Little lovey.

A name

It was really important to us that we name our baby a name that had some significance to us.  We had a list of three names that we narrowed it down to, but couldn't decide which one for the life of us.  A couple days before she was born though, we were pretty set on Ruby, but still wanted to see her first.  She's such a little Ruby.  We were thinking Ruby McIntyre, after my Granny and William's MoMo...but several people mentioned Reba McIntyre, so we decided on Ruby Katherine.  And we LOVED Ruby Kate.  Thought Kate jazzed it up a bit.  And it so fits her.  My mama was asking me what we would tell her about her Granny Fishel, and why we decided to name her that, and I have thought about it a long time.  Granny was a mess!  So funny, and sassy, and adventurous.  She had a quick temper. She worked hard to provide extras for her children.  Her deviled eggs rocked.  She was proud of her heritage and worked to instill our families legacy into the lives of her grandchildren.  She could cut up an apple and make it taste better than apples tasted anywhere else.  She loved all being together.  But the thing I think that is the most remarkable about Granny is that she knew she wasn't perfect, knew she made mistakes, and knew how much she needed her Savior.  I've found some letters that she wrote to her children, and all reflected how she relied on Christ's forgiveness and mercy to get her through.  She was faithful to Papaw. In her own words, Granny Ruby wrote to her children, “It hasn’t always been perfect by any means since June 13, 1945, but we have trusted and tried.  Always – regardless of all hardships, struggles, and trials, remember they can be overcome.  With the Lord, nothing is insurmountable.  Keep your eyes on the Lamb!” I think that is so remarkable, and I want Ruby Kate to know how much her great-granny loved and relied on the Lord.  Her resilience was amazing --she also wrote this in a letter --“Sometimes the steps are steep and they have splinters and tacks in them, but keep on climbing, children.  My soul hath grown deep like the River.  Remember we shall always be together.” So thankful for her legacy.    

Favorites so far.

Those last posts were not always pleasant, so here's some positives! 
Mama's favorites:
I LOVE being a mama.  I feel more fulfilled than I have ever felt in my whole life.  Especially now that I'm sleeping.  :)  I love her little smiles.  I love hearing her coo in her swing.  I love having little conversations with her, when I mimic her little noises.  She loves that!  I love putting her in the bed with us after that first morning feeding, and snuggling with her for an hour or so before it's time to get up.  I LOVE watching William be a daddy.  I love hearing him talk to her.  I love that she loves her bath, and would stay in it forever -- as long as the water is hot.  She is NOT a fan of lukewarm.  I love the little noises she makes when she eats.  I love how she throws her arm around my shoulder when I'm holding her upright.  I love her curly crazy hair.  I love her beautiful blue eyes.  The little fat rolls shes getting on her little legs make me melt.  The back of her neck and head is so sweet.  The little dimples in her hands.  I.die.  The little noises she makes in her basinnet at night that help me sleep more soundly because I know she's still breathing!  Also, the way she makes me lean on the Lord more because I am so reminded of how out of control I am.  I have to trust him for her every breath.  She's such a little miracle, and I am so very thankful!

DADDY'S POST-
I love watching my sweet wife love on our little RK. I love watching RK look to Brittany for nourishment and am reminded of how much we need to lean on the Lord and not ourselves for food. I love giving that little girl a bath and wrapping her up in swaddle blanket. I love her curls and how after she takes a bath she is in the best mood all day. I love that she likes to take baths as much as her mama does. I love that she is 90% on all the dr charts. She is of course 150% in our minds. I love that she smiles while she sleeps and furrows her brow when you talk to her sometimes. I love that she sleeps so long the last few nights and gives Britt some time to recharge. I love her blowouts! (after the fact) I love watching Brittany talk to her and the cute sayings she has for things like "yum-yum".  I love her staring at the turtles on her swing for hours on end. I love getting updates while I am at work from RK and getting a daily good morning pic thanks to mama. Most of all I am thankful that she (and we) have been so blessed with her and cant wait to have build more favorites.

first 8 weeks

Mostly long and boring and just for us to remember details! 

The day after we got home, we took little miss to her first pediatrician's appointment.  I LOVE THEM!  Twin City Medical Park Peds are awesome.  Really love them.  Amazing how when people make a big deal about your baby you automatically love them!  Anyway, stats then -- She was 8lbs 3.5 ounces at birth, when we went to that first peds appt she was 7/11.  Which worried me to no end.  The doctor said if I was really worried about it we could supplement with formula, which W and I discussed and decided we would hold out until our next appt (that Friday.)  On that friday, she had gained back to 8 lbs, 2 ounces....and then that next monday she was 8lbs, 13 ounces.  That made me feel so good!  I know this is weird, but I think breastfeeding is the coolest, most miraculous thing ever.  I know it doesn't work for everyone, but I'm so thankful it's worked for us so far. We've had a ton of support too, from family and I think that made a big difference those first weeks when it was painful. It's just so neat that it's exactly what she needs, and I know it helps keep her healthy!  So neat how God designed us.  Also, that first appt they had to prick her heel to check for jaundice, and that was awful.  Poor little girl screamed and screamed.  But thankfully, her numbers had gone down and she was almost jaundice free!  William got to come with me to that first appointment and we had a blast.  We felt very parentish.  Not going to lie, asking the pediatrician questions about my baby was so strange.  Kind've like when you first get married and the first couple months you feel like you're just playing house.

William went back to work the Friday after she was born, and we both cried!  I missed him so much, and I know he missed Ruby Kate.  He's such a good daddy.  He bathes her every night and is swaddler extraordinaire.  He also gives her a bottle every night.  Which she hates, so I appreciate him doing it!

That month is such a blur.  I remember it being really amazing and yet really overwhelming.  The first couple weeks, we had to wake her up every three hours to feed her, but usually she woke up herself and ate about every 1-2 hours.  It was a little draining (pun intended...hahaha, I'm so funny, I know.)  I was in a fog.  There were some tears and a couple fusses between William and I.  I am no fun when I'm sleep deprived...and I feel like as a mama it's really hard to let your husband do some things for the baby.  For example, when she would cry, I would just try to tell him how to get her to stop crying or do it myself, instead of just letting him learn her and do things his way.  Which made for some tense moments.  Thankfully, the Lord convicted me of this and I think though I still struggle, that it's going a little better.  Thankfully I have a very patient husband.  Who sleeps very deeply.  ;) 

On top of learning a newborn, we started running a Christmas tree lot on Thanksgiving day for a little Christmas money and fun!  My family has always been involved in Christmas trees, and I worked many decembers at my Papaw's lot.  However, probably wasn't the smartest thing to take on with a newborn.  Thankfully, after the first two weeks we hired some help so I haven't had to be there as much!  It's honestly probably really good for RK though, because one of my goals is that she be flexible and definitely experiences like this help her not completely rely on a very strict schedule, though we do try to keep a routine. 

At her 1 month appt, RK was 90th percentile ht and wt.  She's getting some sweet little fat rolls, and I'm LOVING them.

AND-- we are finally getting sleep.  I got some advice from some dear friends, and PRAYED SO HARD, and this week RK has slept at least 6 hours every night at a time, and last night over 8 hours.  I feel so much better, and I know William does too.  The swaddle and whole "sleep begats sleep" philosophy really worked for us!  

more for the memory book

I think I got a lot of the details off from my earlier post -- William calls it post-traumatic labor amnesia.  :)  But anyway, I do remember after she was born, Bethany, Mama, BriAnna, and Jen came to meet her and it was so special.  So thankful my little has so many incredible people who love her.  I was so happy to see them -- as soon as she was born I wanted to see my mom and sisters.  I just couldn't wait for them to meet her and love her.  Mama was working in the hospital, so she was in and out that day.  Bethany and BriAnna went home to get the rest of the Pughs since the kids could come to the mother/baby room, and Jen stayed with us.  (I hope I got that right).  Maggie helped me with all her lactation consultant awesomeness.  So very thankful Ruby Kate latched like a champ!  :)  Those 10 extra days in the womb helped I think with that.  So those extra stretch marks and backaches were worth it!  Though I hope my next baby is more timely.  :)   Our precious nurse took us down to mother/baby, where they began working on our girl.  They let us stay with her for a bit, she got a shot which about broke my heart..and then they sent us to our room to get settled while they finished doing the newborn procedures on RK.  Once they were done, all the Honeycutts, Maggie, the Pughs, Jen, and BriAnna took turns holding her.  It was wonderful.  We have so many precious cousins for RK to look up to and learn from.  My lifelong friend Parker and her mama (my second mother) came to meet her that night, and it was so special.  They said she looked like my daddy, which I don't know if it's true or not but it would make my heart so happy if she did.  Pastor Tom stopped by to meet her, which was also special--he's known me since I was about RK's size. 

That night, we kept RK with us the whole night.  And the nurses came in every hour!  So we didn't get much sleep.  The next night, we sent her to the nursery and they just brought her to us to feed every couple of hours, and we got much more sleep!  We were reallly really hoping to go home after that first night, when the nurse told us we had to stay I cried.  I was so ready to get home and get into a rhythm.  Parker came that second day and it about broke my heart telling her goodbye -- I knew it would be a long time before we saw her again as she and her hubs were moving to Vancouver that week.  She brought us some yellow rose of tx cupcakes. 

Finally, it was time to come home....YAY!!!  We got sweet baby all dressed up, put her in her carseat, and off we went.  I cried all the way home.  Poor William.  I was just so happy and overwhelmed and nervous and thankful -- so many emotions!  We were home for a couple of hours, and then I had to go to the ER because my vision got really blurry and I got really disoriented.  Still not sure what was going on (dr.'s think it was a reaction to the pain medicine or perhaps the epidural).  It was so scary!  William and my mom and BriAnna were troopers though.  And so was the baby!  They would bring her back to me to feed her (not so glamorous breastfeeding in the OR).  I started feeling better and they sent me home and after that things got so much better!!  Every day I felt better, and felt like I knew Ruby Kate better, and after a week felt almost like myself again.  I had no idea recovery from labor was so painful. Or breastfeeding!  Thankfully though it's {almost} forgotten.  And even if not all forgotten, so so so so so so so incredibly worth it!

"Baby Girl-Welcome to Amurica"-Bernie Mac - Daddy's perspective

Friday-October 21st-We are FINALLY going to have a baby according to the dr and my sweet little wife is going to be a mama this weekend (hopefully). As we left for home to get things ready, it finally hit me...WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS. We told the "rents", called a few friends (by a few I mean everyone we knew) and ate our "last supper" of Chicken Pie and rested up for the big event. Everyone who had been parents told us to get as much rest as you can the night before because you are in for it the rest of your life. Question back to them...How in the world do you get a wink of sleep when you are about to have such a wonderful little blessing?

We woke up and did a few things around the house and before we knew it...it was time. On the way to the hospital we discussed our birth plan which was altered since poor Brittany had gone 41 weeks and was having to be induced.We pulled into the hospital and unloaded all of our stuff which the admission lady about laugh at how much stuff we brought and we were then on tagged as "1st Timers." We got settled in our Taj Mahal of a labor room and met our nurse named Ashley who was our nurse a few weeks before when little goobers heart rate got excited and she was great (She was there the next morning when Ruby was born). 

Brittany started out light and easy for a few hours. The whole time we heard the baby's loud and strong heartbeat which they would lose on the monitors about every 10 minutes because she didn't like to be messed with. Then they would come back in and find it again for another 10 mins till she escaped its grasp.  Took on a little more as the contractions got harder. I am reminded of the loving and eager support we had the whole time we were in the delivery room. Family, friends texting constantly encouraging Brittany and the baby on. About 12:30 am I laid down next to Brittany in my "not-so-Ritz Carlton" bed and things got real pretty quick after that. Watching the contractions on that screen, I don't know how my wife fought so hard through the pain, but after long thought Brittany got a epidural and Ruby started working her way in the world. Not sure what happened right after the epidural got set, but contractions got much more intense and faster and our little girl was coming. I hardly had time to call Maw, Bibi, and Aunt Nana and Old Aunt Bethany (as Stephen calls her).  Bethany and Brianna made it in to see Brittany right before the Dr and it was so cool to have them there and I will always treasure that time with them as I know they will. Brittany came through just great and poor little baby had to wait for the Dr to show up before being born.  Just a shade after 9:30 am on Sunday morning and Ruby Kate cried her way into this world and I caved into the emotions and cried the second I met her. My sweet little girls made it through such an ordeal. I was so proud of Brittany for her attitude and her hard work. It brings tears to my eyes again to reflect back on how awesome the whole thing was. Such a miracle to see something so beautiful happen like your child's birth and your champion of a wife get through it. Shortly after the main event, Brittany and I kept wondering what the significance of Oct 23rd was and realized it was the exact day 8 years before that we started dating. How crazy?!

CHAMPION=MY WIFE

I got to go out and tell my mama, Maw, Bethany and Nana and they were so excited. Another huge memory for me that I will never forget. We snuck them in to see Britt in recovery before heading to our super small shack on the 3rd floor where we would be for a few days. We dropped RK in the nursery for   I will refer to as "Welcome to the World Testing" we settled down. RK didn't make it through the door before being greeted by so many loving family who came to see her and celebrate her birth with us. We had a total of 17 people at once in our room set for maybe 2.  Another unforgettable memory. Each kid in that room wanting to love on our little girl just like we got to love on them when they were born. Wow! I won't forget it. The night and the time at the hospital is a blur. Brittany seemed to be a champ with that little girl at everything. We quickly learned after the 1st night to let the baby take a trip to the nursery at night so mama could get some shut eye and much needed rest. 

6 weeks later...its been so cool to see Brittany transform into Supermama. She has such a great attitude and its great to see how our little girl loves her mama even at a few weeks into this world. Actually I hardly remember what things were like without Ruby Katherine Liggitt in our lives. Most of all I have to remind myself how blessed we are. The whole pregnancy both Brittany and I were a little nervous each time they listened to the heartbeat thinking negative thoughts. We got nervous that they would have to do a c-section because something might not match up for a natural birth.  Nope we got a perfect baby who was wonderfully made by a more Wonderful creator. I remember standing in the hall outside our room in the hospital and the people in the room next to ours discussing the options for their new baby who had a few days left here on Earth and just prayed and thanked God for each second and day that Brittany and I have with each other and Ruby Kate.

I am so thankful for my sweet wife who effortlessly amazes me by how she cares for our little girl and that little nugget that reminds me everyday how blessed we are.

Ruby Kate's birthday - Mama's perspective.

When I went for my 41 week appointment, the doctor said I was not progressing hardly at all...so we scheduled an induction for the next day.  We had tried EVERYTHING -- castor oil, pineapple juice, spicy food, squatting, birth ball, accupressure, walking...etc...EVERYTHING.  This little goober was happy where she was!  William and I got in the car when we were leaving the appointment and got so excited because we knew we would get to meet our girl soon!  I had really wanted to avoid induction, but I was so ready to not be pregnant anymore.  We called everyone and let them know that hopefully the 22nd would be the big day!  The next morning we got up and ready and headed to the hospital.  When we got there, they didn't have a room ready so we waited for a while in the waiting room and then they moved us in and gowned me up.  At this point, I was still hoping to have a natural delivery, even though I knew induced labors were much more vigorous.  But we had taken our Bradley class and still felt like we wanted to try without pain meds.  Saturday afternoon, the Pughs and Jen got into town and we were so thankful to know they would all be there for our sweet little's grand debut.  They started induction with cervadil around 1pm, and I started having contractions shortly thereafter.  Loooong contractions.  Like we're talking 5-10 minutes.  Sweet baby's heartrate slowed down from distress, and they had to give me a shot to slow down the contractions.  This went on for a while, and then my water broke around 3am (I think?).  When my water broke, I just burst into tears.  No idea why.  William was a rock!  He was so attentive and wonderful.  Makes me cry just thinking about it!!  Finally, we couldn't put off the pitocin any longer, and when they administered that -- I was like, GET ME AN EPIDURAL.  I think William was relieved.  Honestly, the epidural didn't really help that much!  I still felt a good deal of pain and pressure.  Around 8am I was ready to start pushing.  BriAnna and Bethany and Jen got there to give hugs and say a prayer, and then it was time to get this show on the road!  We are so fortunate that my cousin Maggie is a labor and delivery nurse, and also a lactation consultant and she was willing to be my doula.  She helped so much!  Pushing lasted around 1.5 hours, seemed like a lot less time than that to me.  The hardest part about the pushing was towards the end, they made me wait for the doctor who was with another patient, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done not to push!  Finally Dr. Parker arrived and we shortly after had our sweet precious Ruby Katherine Liggitt, 9:38am, 8lbs, 3.5 oz, and 21.75 inches long.  I had been afraid that I wouldn't "instantly" love her....but when they put her on my chest I absolutely cannot describe the love and gratitude that washed over me.  I am so in awe that the Lord blessed us with this little life.  She was so cute even all covered in grime, and of course, I'm not biased at all.  William cut the cord, and we both just laughed and cried and stared at our sweet angel.  I remember praying that the Lord would just help me to give her to Him everyday, and raise her with open hands and devotion to praying for her.  I have never felt more thankful ever to the Lord than that moment -- I pray He reminds me of that on those sleepy nights when I would love to crawl into bed instead of rock my girl.  I don't think I've ever loved William more either, he was so sweet and so excited and it just made me appreciate him so much.  More to come on the hospital stay soon!  And I'll edit with pics soon, too!

BABY POOL...not made of plastic...

Whoever is closest to due date, weight and height gets a prize. Click the banner above to play the game.

Ready, Set, Go...Sooner or Later...

WRITTEN BY WILLIAM:
Its been funny these last few days, weeks, months. We have talked about this day when a baby will come along and its finally close enough that it could happen today or tomorrow and you finally realize there is actually a baby that is going to be here tomorrow, next week or hopefully the week after next (for baby mama's sake!). Brittany has been such a great pregnant mama. She is so cute. She makes me so excited everyday more and more than the last to be a daddy with her as mama.

We got to spend great time up in the mountains this weekend and it is so much fun to just throw a bag in the car and go off and be fancy and free for a night with the one you love so much. I love this time we have had, these last 4 years of Britt and I to learn and grow together, all the while the Lord preparing our hearts and our relationship to broaden its horizons to a family of 3. Where we will be in 4 more. Only the Lord knows. It reminds me of the song "How Great is Our God". 

We are so anxious and nervous all at the same time for this new little one. Everyone tells us that is just how we should be and the best setup for great parents. I sure hope so. For now its like everyone is in a holding pattern. Like we are at the 7th grade track meet and waiting for the gun to go off to start the race.  Every time I call someone in my family they think we are about to have the baby and I have to quickly calm them down to tell them I just called to ask them a quick question or what was the score to the Baylor game tonight. 3-0! Sic Em. 

Hope it is very soon that we can report a healthy and sweet little baby that has been born into the world, and a very thankful and blessed mama and daddy to give all the praise and glory to Jesus. 

week 34

How far along? 34 weeks

How are you measuring?  right on track..

Size of baby?   5 lbs, 20 inches according to what to expect

Heartbeat? 142 at appointment on wednesday

Total weight gain/loss? please don't judge me.  34 lbs.  GINORMOUS.  people are so sweet -- they'll say, you're ALL baby.  and i'm thinking..."while i appreciate that...i really think my arse has gained more than the sweet 5 lb baby.."

Maternity clothes? yes, except for some dresses.  so thankful flowy dresses are in style!

Sleep?  some nights awesome, some most nights not so great.  trying to use the nights of not so great to read and pray -- thinking maybe this is time the Lord is giving me to really focus on my relationship with him.

Best moment this week?  when i realized this baby would be full term in THREE WEEKS!  HALLELUJAH!

Movement?  feeling her more now than ever.  her little bottom is up at my rights ribs, and i think she loves dancing around up there!  it's really cool because friends/family can really see and feel her move now.  makes william feel more involved in her little life, i know.

Food cravings?  nothing too crazy -- i get full really fast.  i love love love LOVE apple juice these days which probably contributes to the 34 lb. weight gain!  and of course, not just any apple juice, has to be simply apple.  i would have a craving for the most expensive juice you can buy!

Gender predictions?  sugar pie little girl

What I miss:  being able to snuggle with william at night.  i have myself surrounded by pillows now at night that he calls my fort.

What I'm looking forward to:  cooler weather!  :)  and meeting our girl!

How I'm feeling:  generally uncomfortable.  i feel bad even saying that, because i know i have so much to be thankful for...but  side pain, back pain, shortness of breath, hot flashes....so ready for that to be over!  i also have a TON of braxton hicks, which don't hurt, but are a little uncomfortable at work. definitely full fledged waddle going on.  i miss feeling lighter.  BUT, like i said, i know there are so many people who wish they could have all this discomfort, so i need to remember that and just be thankful.  i just can't wait to meet her!

IT's A...........

We were so so SURPRISED!!  Both William and I thought we saw that it was the opposite today at the doctor.  More important than the gender -- we are so thankful, so thankful, that everything looked great.  Baby measuring at 19 weeks, 4 days....right on track.


Now to go shopping!

11 years.

april 27th, it will have been eleven years since daddy died.  that just floors me.  eleven years.  that is such a long time -- in a way, it seems like a lifetime ago, but then also, seems like just last week.  time doesn't heal all wounds...maybe makes it easier to cope, but most assuredly doesn't heal.  there are times when i'm driving and i hear a song, or see a daddy loving on a daughter in church, or when my mama really laughs, and the pain and longing in my heart are so acute that i lose my breath.  most of the time, though, it is a dull ache.  it's always in the back of my mind.  i feel like most of the time, i have a good grasp on things.  i am thankful that i had such a good dad, thankful for the time we had together, thankful for the legacy he left behind--and i know i've had it better than so many other people.  sometimes, though, i just need to grieve. i am just recently learning that it's okay to grieve and be sad, it's not selfish.  it's okay to tell the Lord that i don't understand why, and to go to Him with that pain and those questions.  i think with the baby coming, i've just really missed daddy.  he loved kids.  it would have been so amazing to have him around.  my baby would've loved him. so much.  it's weird to me to think that he/she won't know their pop...he'll just be a story to my children.  like when my mom talks about her grandparents -- nice stories, fun to listen to, but removed.

i feel like losing my dad has made me grip everything tighter.  i don't fully trust the Lord to take care of things, and so i try so hard to keep everything together....and i have been gripped with huge fear as i think of our family growing.  but then the other day i listened to a matt chandler sermon on habakkuk 1, and in giving the background, matt spoke about david.  david was such a HUGE part of the Bible, and his death was only covered by ONE verse, and then the story moves on.  that so impacted me.  we're all here for such a short time.  to me, it seems like forever -- but it's just a breath.  i'm so reminded of how vulnerable we all are.  i could lose everything with one phone call.  it's all about heaven.  i want to be able to love my husband and my children with open hands --- giving them to the Lord for Him to work his glory in their lives, whether it's my plan or not.  i pray He'll equip me to do this, and to trust him to give me joy in the wonderful and the suffering.

this is just my thinking out loud...thanks for listening. :)

answered prayers....

email william sent today:

Hey Guys-

I just wanted to thank you for your prayers and support with my job search, our new addition on the way and our move to the Tarheel State. It has had its ups and downs. I remember pulling out of Dallas in a yellow moving truck asking God if we were doing the right thing. Thinking through all the doors that he had opened in such a short time (Britt having 5 interviews in 1 day, a great house to live in, timing to transition to NC was perfect) as I traveled down the road with Brittany following close behind in the Explorer. 

I have learned a lot over the last few months about really trusting in the Lord's timing and not my timing. It's been challenging to sit at home while your wife goes to work and gets the paydirt, but with all that said, I just got a GREAT offer from a company in Greensboro (20 mins from our house) for a position very similar to what I was doing at HB Rentals minus all the overnight travel. It couldn't have been more perfect for me and I am really excited about, where as a few others I have talked with were not so thrilling. (selling alarm systems, credit card machines, copiers). Not sure when I start, but wanted all you guys to know and be encouraged.

I am sending this email for 2 reasons. 1. To thank you guys for being encouraging to Brittany and I as you always have been. 2. To acknowledge the Lord's timing is always greater and better than our own. We are so THANKFUL for all of you guys, your friendship, prayers and encouragement and hope to see everybody this weekend in Dallas (if you are in Dallas still)

Hope that yall have a great day.

Pals,

William Liggitt

Week 11

Can't believe I'm almost through with my first trimester.  Going to throw a party for William and myself when Friday gets here and I am officially TWELVE WEEKS!!   Good news, I am feeling like a new woman!  I am so excited.  I forgot how AWESOME it was to feel good.  Amazing what you take for granted.  I am so SO thankful for baby daddy, who has been so incredible these past 8 weeks when I've felt like c r u d.  He's done the laundry, dishes, made the bed (every day--way more than I ever made the bed)...and he hasn't complained.  Now that I'm feeling a little better, I'm actually enjoying doing housework.  The only thing that is hard for me to do is cook -- normally I love cooking, but the sight of uncooked meat, even random things like macaroni noodles, totally turns my stomach.  Hopefully I'll get a little more settled gastrointestinally :) and be able to get back to cookin' again really soon.  I feel like I'm kind've starting to show!  I can't wait to look all pregnant, and not to just feel fat.  

Our little miracle is the size of a large lime, or I prefer an avacado this week.  His/her little fingers and toes are formed, and he gets fingernails this week.  How amazing is that?  In awe.

William is still job searching...he's had some interviews, but nothing has panned out. Mostly, the jobs he has been able to interview for have turned out to be 100% commission, which we just don't feel like we can do right now.  Please continue to pray for God to send him encouragement, and for Him to continue to show us how to trust him during this uncertainty.  In the meantime, William has been going to work for my brother-in-law on his farm for a little bit, which he has loved.   He had a Skype interview for a business development manager on Friday, which he is really interested in, so hopefully that will turn into something good for him!

Hope y'all have a wonderful week!
W&B